


a life (not) worth living

by Anonymous



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with no happy ending, M/M, TRIGGER WARNING. SUICIDE!!!! IM SERIOUS., i don't want to romanticize suicide in anyway with this work by the way, it's just really sad. kind of how i feel rn, jooheon gives up on life after his reason to live isn't there anymore, projecting myself onto jooheon teas, pure pure pure sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-10-31 21:00:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17856869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: with his light gone, the darkness envelops jooheon whole.





	a life (not) worth living

**Author's Note:**

> please for the love of god if you are triggered by suicide do NOT read this. it's just pure sadness and i don't want to make anyone feel worse. i was in a really bad place and projected my feelings onto jooheon i guess and it helped me cope. please don't read this if you're in a bad mental state. this was not proofread because i wrote it mid breakdown and don't want to read it again, really.

Jooheon’s bottom lip trembled as he tried to hold back another wave of tears from crashing down. He looked up and saw his reflection in the bathroom mirror. His eyes were red and puffy, there were tear streaks staining his usually flawless cheek. He looked absolutely miserable. He sniffled trying to calm himself down but another sob broke through his mouth and the tears started flowing again. His chest hurt, his eyes burnt, his fingers feel cold and numb. He feels like an empty shell, a waste of space.

 “Am I truly worth anything if I don’t have you, Minhyuk?” He says to the mirror, the words he wish he could say to the boy he loves with more than he can put into words.

If Minhyuk was the sun, he’d be the Earth. A planet that needed the sun to secure its survival. He needed Minhyuk like he needed air to breathe—he needed Minhyuk more than he needed oxygen because without Minhyuk he didn’t want to breathe in the first place. Minhyuk showed him that life was worth something that it wasn’t just pure darkness and misery but that life could be beautiful. What Minhyuk didn’t know is that he was the thing that made life beautiful. Minhyuk made life worth living.

He was too late. Minhyuk had found someone else. Minhyuk had found someone who made him happier than Jooheon ever could. Minhyuk found _his_ sun. That sun wasn’t him.

Another loud sob echoed through the bathroom.

Jooheon looked at the cabinet above the sink. He thought about this moment for a week before even getting here.  


He was going to kill himself. Because life without light was pure darkness and there was no point in living in a world where he wasn’t going to feel warm anymore.  
  
He closed his eyes and breathed in, trying to calm down his body. He stood up and reached towards the pill bottle in the cabinet. His antidepressants. He had stopped taking them for a while because he thought he didn’t need them anymore, he’s glad he kept them.

He opened up the bottle and let all the remaining pills fall into his hand. He lifted his hand to his mouth and swallowed them dry. He kept going until he had taken all the pills. He let himself fall limp onto the bathroom floor. He closes his eyes and wonders how many days it’ll take for anyone to even find him here. His roommate Kihyun is out of town for a week and all of his friends seem to be busy all the time.  
  
Jooheon smiles thinking of how they’ll be fine without him. Everything will be okay now.  
  
He closes his eyes and lets go. Darkness becomes his everything and envelops him whole.


End file.
